What Makes Emotional Healing So Hard?

When I was 5 years old our family moved to Starkville, Mississippi.  My dad had secured a position as a research scientist at Miss. State Univ. that was simply too good to pass up.

Starkville was a small town like many other small towns across America.  Life was slow and safe and predictable.  All in all, not such a bad place to live.

For the next 12 years, I was a Starkvillian.  Like so many other young boys I spent most of my free time exploring the world from the comfort of a bicycle seat.

Life was full of adventures.  Looking back now, it resembled a series of Norman Rockwell paintings.

But it wasn't always so idealistic.  In fact, for over 20 years after leaving that small town I hated everything to do with Starkville.  I called it a nightmare existence in a God-forsaken town.

So why do you suppose I hated it?

I Focused On The Negative

Like children everywhere,  my wonder years consisted of good events, bad events, and many mediocre and neutral events.  Good times that made me feel good. Bad times that made me feel bad.  And many events stirred little emotional reaction at all.

However, my problem was that I discounted the good events, while elevating the bad ones.

The painful events on my past became like anchors - the pillars of the past.  The defining moments of my life.

Certain events would happen, and rather than simply feeling the pain and moving on, I would suppress and repress those painful emotions.

Paradoxically, while I denied the feelings, I elevated the events.  I would take a painful situation and make it much worse than it really was.

I Embellished My Past

How do you embellish a painful past?  Intentionally exaggerate its stature and importance.  Like a playwright constructing a play, I would add drama for the effect it created.

I would set the stage.  Get the lighting just right.  Play suspenseful music in the background.  Create a prologue -

"The story you are about to hear is true.  Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent..."

Like one of those old Dragnet TV shows!

I built it up anyway I could.  I made it sacred.

And no matter what, I could *NOT* feel the feelings of those past events and let them go!  I needed those unresolved emotions to breathe life into an otherwise-dead past.

I spent way too much of my time giving CPR to a corpse of the past.  Ever given CPR?  It'll wear you out!  It's hard to do it for very long; it's just too much work.

Imagine doing it for decades.

I defined my life by those highly selective events of the past that were being kept alive ONLY by my emotional energy.

I Was Giving My Power To The Past

Thoughts and feelings are the very source of your power.  Your power - your ability and willingness to act - comes about because of the constant stream of your thoughts and feelings.

Thoughts and feelings are constantly and consistently springing forth into your consciousness.

A stream of thoughts. A stream of feelings.  Together they are the source of your power.

If you're using those thoughts and feelings to hold onto the past, then you'll have less power available to you now.  The power that could be used to heal your emotions instead becomes diverted into holding the past in place.

I Built My Past Into A Frankenstein's Monster

Out of that handful of painful events, I created a backbone.  From the backbone, I grew a skeleton. Surrounding the skeleton I grew muscles and skin and internal organs.  I gave it a heart.  I gave it a voice.

All that growth required a conscious effort on my part. I had to keep reminding myself of those painful events.

"I really was wronged."

"I really was shamed."

"I really was abused."

Building them up and fleshing them out took a lot of my power.  But it was worth it.  I got to feel like a victim.  I got to hide in my self-pity.  I was entitled. Hey, I EARNED the right to engage in any errant behavior I chose!

I earned the right to blame, to struggle, to manipulate and punish anybody I wanted.  I earned my righteous arrogance because of my embellished pain of the past.

I was powerless as a result, but that's okay.  I earned the right to be weak by all the effort I was expending to try to keep the past alive.

***
I took the best of me and gave it to a past that didn't even exist.
***

It takes constant effort to keep the past alive.  You can't just set it and forget it - like a thermostat on the wall.  You have to keep remembering it.  You have to keep using today's power to reinforce the imprisonment of yesterday's power.

We Invest In The Past

The past is over, yet so often our power remains trapped in the emotional investment we've made in certain painful events of that dead past.

The past is over.

But the very power we need to break free of those memories is instead being diverted into a much more sinister goal.  We invest a lot of time and energy creating a Frankenstein's monster of the past, and it's become too big to handle.

The power you need to heal the past is instead being used to try to keep it alive.  It becomes a tangled mess.

You can't heal the past until you get more power.

You can't get more power until you heal the past.

So what's the answer?  First, you heal a little bit, and you retrieve a little power.  Then, in your empowered state, you heal a little more and get back a little more power.  It happens layer by layer.

And it all begins with a willingness to change.

By: Mark Myhre

Author Bio
Mark Ivar Myhre, The Emotional Healing Wizard, author of the highly acclaimed - Emotional Healing Quick Start Guide - what to do right now to feel better. Go to www.join-the-fun.com

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How To Wake Up To The Part Of You That You Haven't Learned To Love

Your Gifts Are Disguised As Problems

I'd like to take you on a journey into yourself, to the part you haven't learned to love.

Why am I qualified to write about this, let alone believe you need self-love?

Reflect on a time where you experienced negative emotions such as anger, frustration, hate, anxiety, fear or worry?

If you experienced these emotions more than frequently, you need self-love more than you realize.

This is not a patronizing statement to minimize your self-worth. Any time you experience disempowering emotions, it is a call to wake up to parts of you you've ignored.

Think of a time you were accused of something by another person and were offended by the allegation.

Perhaps you retaliated in anger and inflamed the situation, thus experiencing a flood of toxic emotions.

I use the words toxic and disempowering to describe lower emotional states, in contrast to emotions of a higher frequency such as love, peace, joy, etc.

What you consider challenging in your life is a gift disguised as problems, to bring you back to the wholeness of yourself.

To reunite with the oneness of your being requires taking the journey into yourself.

It involves connecting with your forgotten self. You will recognize this part of you when you let go of the beliefs, ideas and stories you believe to be true.

This authentic self is real and you will recognize it the moment you get a glimpse of it.

Often, people come into your life to awaken you to your greater self. They are gift-bearing life lessons and experiences you didn't know you needed until that time.

They won't appear in the form you expect, however, they will force you to examine the fragmented parts you've dissociated with.

Author Matt Kahn explains in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You how to draw your awareness to your body and notice what the pain or strong emotions are inviting you to connect with: "Just by bringing greater attention to the part of your body where strong emotions or physical pain linger, you are loosening each layer of cellular memory to assist in another moment of healing."

How Others View You Is Never About You

The following is something I experienced years ago and helped me to reconnect with parts of me I had overlooked at the time.

I'd known my friend for many years, yet there was a point in our friendship where he was constantly criticising me for my life choices.

This caused tension between us and there came a point where I was ready to abandon the friendship altogether because of the constant criticism. I felt as though our friendship had disintegrated beyond repair and I was ready to walk away.

However, looking back, I realize that my friend was a gift in a form I didn't recognize. He forced me to look deep within myself and heal the part of me I was at war with.

I was easily offended by his criticism and felt justified because of the hurt I experienced. I neglected to realize the negative emotions were really a mask inviting me to love and integrate my fractured parts.

Matt Khan states: "As a remedy, it is important to remember that how others view you is never about you at all. While they can share their views and opinions about who you are in their play, it doesn't have to match up with who you know yourself to be."

I possessed the qualities he was criticising in me, otherwise I wouldn't have been offended by it.

Have you noticed when somebody judges you for something you believe is untrue, you are less likely to take offense because it seems ridiculous?

This happens when you integrate the fractured parts of your psyche into the oneness of your being.

Awaken From Your Sleep

When you are judged by another person, they too possess that quality you are being judged for. If you are insulted, you are identifying with the judgment and must heal that part of yourself.

Matt Kahn explains how what you take offence to is the process of healing through your nervous system: "On a cellular level, whenever a person has an emotional reaction, their nervous system is releasing layers of conditioning."

So when others point the finger at you, it is symbolic of directing you back to yourself. It may not seem that way because your ego is inflamed.

However, if you allow the dust to settle and look deep into yourself, you will realise the seed of what you are being accused of is present within you.

Your accusers may appear like a wolf in sheep's clothing, yet they are a gift because they force you to come home to yourself, instead of identifying with your unintegrated parts.

If it hurts to hear what they are accusing you of, it means you are not seeing how that quality can help you awaken from your sleep.

It is calling you to let go of judging yourself and love the part of you that is: hurt, angry, betrayed or let down.

I'm not suggesting you not be upset by their accusations because this would be insensitive of you. I'm inviting you to feel the pain and look deep within yourself to heal the part of you that is irritated by the pain.

It was the Buddha who proclaimed centuries ago: "Painful feelings arose, but they did not invade my mind and remain."

Part of you wants to come home to your core self.

This part is the integration of all that you are and will ever be. It is awaiting your return when you let go of the storyline the ego espouses.

The process of awakening and enlightenment requires seeing past the falsehoods of the ego and reuniting with the wholeness of your core nature.

To live a remarkable life, you must take consistent action in spite of your fears and doubts. Download a FREE copy of my motivational eBook, NAVIGATE LIFE and embark upon your journey of greatness today!

By Tony Fahkry

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