A Guide To Setting Up Your 9 Techniques to Help You Manage Anger Today

There are plenty of disadvantages to feeling anger. It can be a fast way to wreck relationships. Additionally, it disengages the role of a person's brain that's designed to make rational decisions. We frequently do and say detrimental things when we're angry.

Precisely how many times do you fantasize about gaining the ability to take back something you said? It requires several seconds to cause quite a lot of damage and pain. Avoiding this sort of scenario is an opportunity to handle your anger management skills.

The capacity to manage your emotional states is naturally a valuable skill which will help you during your lifetime.

Practice these strategies to turn into a master of your anger:

1. Monitor your reasoning state. Notice whenever you are beginning to feel agitated. Anger is decidedly safer to control if caught early. Once you're in the midst of a bout of full-blown rage, it becomes more difficult.

• Monitor your entire negative emotions. They all are much easier to manage once they first appear. Because they gain strength, the know-how to handle them lessons very quickly as anger escalates.

2. Learn how to relinquish (letting go) thus preventing holding a grudge. Grudges are an easy way to become primed to feel angry with little provocation. Release your anger and forgive. You'll be more relaxed, and life will indeed be fun. You're only hurting yourself whenever you established a grudge.

3. Allow for a deep breath. Try taking ten deep breaths. Time-consuming, deep breathing while silently thinking the keyword "relax" often improves outcomes.

• The faster it's possible to catch your anger, the more significant this approach should work. When you know yourself becoming angry, take a few deep breaths. It calls for a lot of practice.

4. Indulge yourself with a timeout. You do not have to turn into a child to choose a timeout. A couple of minutes of alone time might be an ideal ticket to mastering anger successfully.

5. Think. Take into consideration long-term ramifications of what you're getting ready to say, in most cases yell. This can be incredibly challenging. Anger will make it more difficult to learn, utilize and implement your rationale. Again, the faster you catch yourself becoming angry, the more consistent you will make use of the technique.

6. Being more flexible in your viewpoints. What is the cause of anger? It's attributable to others failing to accept your opinions. You know your right, or so you think. People, friends and loved ones have said or done things that do not meet your expectations. The more consistently unbiased you might be, the less likely you are to get angry.

7. Become a good listener. It's more difficult to become angry if you are indeed performing an excellent job of listening. When you take your attention from the other person, you have the option to know and generate anger. You're also reluctant to leap towards the wrong conclusion if you are genuinely listening. So, work on your listening skills.

8. Discover how to share your thoughts and feelings calmly. Assert yourself allow people to determine what you're thinking without being progressively more emotional than necessary. Begin with being more self-assured in normal conversations of everyday life.

9. Get professional help. If you have tried all the things you can imagine and you are still struggling to handle your anger, acquire advice from an expert. You hire experts to repair your vehicle and manage your legal challenges. There isn't any reason to never hire somebody to assist with your anger issues.

Given to the severe, anger might be dangerous to individuals near you and yourself. Even mild outrage might be harmful to relationships along with your career. Avoid allowing anger to make your daily life less stressful. There are lots of tips and tricks you could use to handle anger yourself, but seek professional assistance if you are genuinely failing to make sufficient progress.

By Tim L Latham

http://ezinearticles.com/?A-Guide-To-Setting-Up-Your-9-Techniques-to-Help-You-Manage-Anger-Today&id=9921764

How To Wake Up To The Part Of You That You Haven't Learned To Love

Your Gifts Are Disguised As Problems

I'd like to take you on a journey into yourself, to the part you haven't learned to love.

Why am I qualified to write about this, let alone believe you need self-love?

Reflect on a time where you experienced negative emotions such as anger, frustration, hate, anxiety, fear or worry?

If you experienced these emotions more than frequently, you need self-love more than you realize.

This is not a patronizing statement to minimize your self-worth. Any time you experience disempowering emotions, it is a call to wake up to parts of you you've ignored.

Think of a time you were accused of something by another person and were offended by the allegation.

Perhaps you retaliated in anger and inflamed the situation, thus experiencing a flood of toxic emotions.

I use the words toxic and disempowering to describe lower emotional states, in contrast to emotions of a higher frequency such as love, peace, joy, etc.

What you consider challenging in your life is a gift disguised as problems, to bring you back to the wholeness of yourself.

To reunite with the oneness of your being requires taking the journey into yourself.

It involves connecting with your forgotten self. You will recognize this part of you when you let go of the beliefs, ideas and stories you believe to be true.

This authentic self is real and you will recognize it the moment you get a glimpse of it.

Often, people come into your life to awaken you to your greater self. They are gift-bearing life lessons and experiences you didn't know you needed until that time.

They won't appear in the form you expect, however, they will force you to examine the fragmented parts you've dissociated with.

Author Matt Kahn explains in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You how to draw your awareness to your body and notice what the pain or strong emotions are inviting you to connect with: "Just by bringing greater attention to the part of your body where strong emotions or physical pain linger, you are loosening each layer of cellular memory to assist in another moment of healing."

How Others View You Is Never About You

The following is something I experienced years ago and helped me to reconnect with parts of me I had overlooked at the time.

I'd known my friend for many years, yet there was a point in our friendship where he was constantly criticising me for my life choices.

This caused tension between us and there came a point where I was ready to abandon the friendship altogether because of the constant criticism. I felt as though our friendship had disintegrated beyond repair and I was ready to walk away.

However, looking back, I realize that my friend was a gift in a form I didn't recognize. He forced me to look deep within myself and heal the part of me I was at war with.

I was easily offended by his criticism and felt justified because of the hurt I experienced. I neglected to realize the negative emotions were really a mask inviting me to love and integrate my fractured parts.

Matt Khan states: "As a remedy, it is important to remember that how others view you is never about you at all. While they can share their views and opinions about who you are in their play, it doesn't have to match up with who you know yourself to be."

I possessed the qualities he was criticising in me, otherwise I wouldn't have been offended by it.

Have you noticed when somebody judges you for something you believe is untrue, you are less likely to take offense because it seems ridiculous?

This happens when you integrate the fractured parts of your psyche into the oneness of your being.

Awaken From Your Sleep

When you are judged by another person, they too possess that quality you are being judged for. If you are insulted, you are identifying with the judgment and must heal that part of yourself.

Matt Kahn explains how what you take offence to is the process of healing through your nervous system: "On a cellular level, whenever a person has an emotional reaction, their nervous system is releasing layers of conditioning."

So when others point the finger at you, it is symbolic of directing you back to yourself. It may not seem that way because your ego is inflamed.

However, if you allow the dust to settle and look deep into yourself, you will realise the seed of what you are being accused of is present within you.

Your accusers may appear like a wolf in sheep's clothing, yet they are a gift because they force you to come home to yourself, instead of identifying with your unintegrated parts.

If it hurts to hear what they are accusing you of, it means you are not seeing how that quality can help you awaken from your sleep.

It is calling you to let go of judging yourself and love the part of you that is: hurt, angry, betrayed or let down.

I'm not suggesting you not be upset by their accusations because this would be insensitive of you. I'm inviting you to feel the pain and look deep within yourself to heal the part of you that is irritated by the pain.

It was the Buddha who proclaimed centuries ago: "Painful feelings arose, but they did not invade my mind and remain."

Part of you wants to come home to your core self.

This part is the integration of all that you are and will ever be. It is awaiting your return when you let go of the storyline the ego espouses.

The process of awakening and enlightenment requires seeing past the falsehoods of the ego and reuniting with the wholeness of your core nature.

To live a remarkable life, you must take consistent action in spite of your fears and doubts. Download a FREE copy of my motivational eBook, NAVIGATE LIFE and embark upon your journey of greatness today!

By Tony Fahkry

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Wake-Up-To-The-Part-Of-You-That-You-Havent-Learned-To-Love&id=9922520

The Voice In Your Head Is Not Who You Really Are - You Are The One Who Observes It

You Are Not Your Thoughts

The biggest lie perpetrated by mankind is the idea that the voice in your head is who you really are.

It's easy to understand why people believe the narrative in their minds because thoughts are real. They come at you every moment of the day and are unrelenting until they wear you down.

To illustrate how much we identify with our thoughts, years ago while meditating, I experienced no thoughts in what was a tiny pocket of time and believed I did not exist.

It was short lived because the experience frightened me to the extent I generated a thought in the next moment to confirm my existence.

This took place within a few seconds, yet it felt like an eternity.

Authors Steven C. Hayes and Spencer Smith explain in Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment how we form a conceptualised self which is difficult to move beyond: "The exciting part about seeing your own conceptualized self as something you hold on to arbitrarily is that truly new narratives may be possible that are, right now, outside of the story currently being told. But it can be frightening to open up to possibilities that go beyond your conceptualized self. If you are not your thoughts, then who are you?"

In this day and age, we're inundated with external noise. It has become more difficult than ever to tune it out, yet simultaneously it is taking place within our minds.

Thoughts do not confirm your sense of self as apparent in the earlier quote.

They are transitory and fleeting electrical episodes in the mind. You don't know what you will think next until the thoughts emerge.

Similarly, you may be tired or hungry and notice your thoughts are scattered.

In contrast, when feeling energetic, your thoughts are more positive. This is when people claim they are at their best and indicative of who they are.

I would argue you are not your thoughts at your best nor at your worst.

Who are you then?

You are the receiver and observer of your thoughts. You are the radio receiving and transmitting thoughts, but not the thoughts themselves.

As alluded to in the title, you are the person recognizing the experience of the thoughts.

You add context and meaning to what you experience and label it as good or bad judging by how the thought makes you feel. This is not necessarily a bad thing because human beings are meaning-making machines.

It's wired into our genetic disposition to make sense of the world, yet it can also be a double-edged sword if things go wrong.

Thoughts are mostly neutral and have little meaning save for the meaning you add to it.

I enjoy Mary O'Malley's point of view in What's in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life in which she writes: "Life created the mind as a tool for maneuvering through Life, not to be in charge of it. The mind is a wonderful servant, but it is a horrible master. Giving it the task of being in charge of Life has created the world of struggle that most people live in all day long, keeping them cut off from peace and joy."

A Pebble Dropped In The Pond

The greatest victory you can undertake in your personal development is to recognize you are not your thoughts and detach from them. This is difficult to do and requires discipline and self-inquiry.

I have come to respect and pay attention to negative thoughts such as those imbued with: fear, anxiety, anger, etc. by observing them, not responding to them.

This took many years of practice and meditation. Before that, I was constantly dragged down by negative thoughts because I believed the narrative they espoused.

For example, if something unpleasant happened, I experienced negative thoughts that spiraled out of control. They turned into destructive emotional states and soon enough I was caught in a storm of pessimism.

There came a point where I had enough and started meditating in the evening to help me sleep better.

Once I became accustomed to meditating, I started journaling my thoughts and discovered a theme interweaving throughout my thinking process.

I objectively traced the thoughts and examined the underlying mechanism behind them.

For example, if I consumed alcohol and caffeine on particular days, my thoughts were erratic and impulsive.

Similarly, if I consumed a carbohydrate-rich diet high in sugar, I observed the same erratic thoughts.

It wasn't until I switched to whole foods and eliminated caffeine and alcohol from my diet that my erratic thoughts subsided alongside the other work I was doing.

I realize this is an extreme intervention because alcohol, sugar, and carbs are key components to a Western diet. Nevertheless, I was prepared to do whatever it took to gain peace of mind.

It's said the mind is likened to a calm pond of water, whereby a thought is a pebble dropped in the pond. The ripple effect of the pebble has an undulating influence on the mind and body.

I'm not suggesting you need to go to the extreme I did. In fact, it took two years of observations and what many nowadays call hacking one's health to notice what worked and what didn't.

During that time I lapsed often, yet it was important to discover how my diet and moods influenced my thoughts.

I embarked on this because I wanted to inhabit my body completely, without a cocktail of chemicals dictating my quality of life.

Sure, I miss foods rich in carbohydrates but the inner peace I gained far outweighs the moments of pleasure carbs offer.

I mention this to highlight how the voice in your head can be influenced by external factors.

If foods and stimulating drinks can influence your thoughts, the voice in your head is not the real you but subject to what you put in your body.

Even Negative Thoughts Are Useful

To gain a better understanding of your thoughts requires becoming self-aware and mindful of your inner world.

Loch Kelly explains this in Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness: "One of the most important things to learn is how to separate awareness from thinking, and then we can see that thoughts and emotions are not the center of who we are."

Many people are driven by their unconscious desires and constantly react to their external environment.

They are governed by what takes place outside, it becomes difficult to make sense of what is happening within.

To summarise the plan I undertook to make peace with my thoughts:

1. Journal my thoughts.

2. Be mindful of the foods I consumed.

3. Know how alcohol and caffeine affect me once they are consumed, particularly in the ensuing hours and days.

4. Observe my moods throughout the day while paying attention to external triggers.

5. Be aware when my blood sugar levels drop which depletes glucose to the brain. This can affect thoughts.

It goes without saying: be sensible and do not experiment with yourself if you are depressed or suffer from a mentally diagnosed condition. Seek professional advice and guidance. This is not intended to replace professional treatment, nor do I expect it to be taken as advice.

Thoughts themselves are not the problem.

The voice inside your head is something you can observe and turn the volume down on.

It is unwise to get rid of negative thoughts because they can serve a purpose.

I discovered this through many years of self-inquiry. It requires integrating them into the wholeness of your being rather than try to abolish them completely.

All thoughts have their place in the mind, even negative ones.

The key is to dissociate from negative thoughts and choose empowering ones in their place.

By turning down the volume on negative chatter you allow the authentic self to emerge.

To live a remarkable life, you must take consistent action in spite of your fears and doubts. Download a FREE copy of my motivational eBook, NAVIGATE LIFE and embark upon your journey of greatness today!

By Tony Fahkry 

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Voice-In-Your-Head-Is-Not-Who-You-Really-Are---You-Are-The-One-Who-Observes-It&id=9938200

What Purpose Does Fear Have?

I became interested in the nature of fear and its impact on human happiness while doing research for a fiction novel I recently published. In the story, there is a contagious disease called khaos. Those infected with khaos are prone to destructive emotions such as hate, anger, jealousy, and insecurity. Let's call these khaos emotions.

I discovered that fear is the underlying cause of khaos emotions. Not all fear; just unwarranted or misdirected fear. Let's call this illogical fear.

When is fear logical and when is it illogical? Imagine a predator is chasing you; it could be human or animal. You should be scared! That fear is logical. You need to think fast and consider your options for survival. Fear alerts you to a threat and provides you with increased levels of energy and motivation to help in coping with the threat.

Now imagine you're home safe in your bed and you're feeling uneasy about decisions you made or events that occurred. What is there to be afraid of? You might say, "It's just worrying thoughts." That's illogical. Why worry about the past? If it's related to a problem, then direct your thoughts to a solution. If there is no solution, then worry won't help; and you must accept the things you cannot change.

Now imagine you're home safe in your bed and this time you're feeling anxiety about the future. Are you worried about something that may never happen? That's clearly illogical. Are you worried about an actual future event? You might say, "There's a real possibility something bad will happen." It's still illogical. Preparations and precautions are productive; worry is illogical to fear.

Worry is only one khaos emotion. Let's look at others.

Fears of rejection or disapproval may trigger feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem. Common compensatory behaviours - such as criticising others, arrogance, or shyness - may push people away all the more. All of this is illogical.

What about envy and anger? When humans feel fear, they experience a fight-or-flight reaction. This is appropriate for life-threatening situations, like being chased by a predator. Most situations in life are not of the 'chased by' sort. Envy and anger are old 'fight' emotions which once served humans in the struggle for survival. Envy resulted from the fear of not having enough of something. Anger resulted from fear related to a threat. To feel envy or anger, when not necessary for survival is chaos.

So if envy and anger are caused by a fight reaction, what's caused by a flight reaction? Other than the obvious - like running away - using drugs or alcohol 'to escape' is a flight reaction and khaos based. Substance abuse can't solve threats, life-threatening or otherwise.

Logical fear helps keep you from harm; not illogical fear. Without logical fear, humans as a species would never have evolved and survived. So why do we feel illogical fear? What causes the brain to confuse stimuli and trigger a fight-or-flight reaction when there's no real threat or danger? The answer lies in neuroscience.

Thoughts occur when brain neurons produce ('fire') signals and form connections. There's a tendency for neurons that 'fire together to wire together'. Meaning: connections between neurons are strengthened when stimulated repeatedly; and a strong connection between two neurons makes it more likely that if one of the neurons fires, it will stimulate the other to fire. As a result, the brain doesn't have to make a new decision with each stimulus; because with repeated experience, it forms associations. Consequently, repeating patterns occur and similar thoughts, feelings, and reactions are maintained. We can infer that if you practise fearful thoughts, you will have stronger neuron connections to support these emotions and they will become more natural to you. Therefore, to overcome illogical fear, you must train your brain to not react in a fight-or-flight manner when there is no real threat; and perhaps even more importantly, to not perceive a threat where there is none.

Illogical fear sabotages success. Think about it. You hope you can get promoted at work, and you fear you can't. If fear causes you to abandon hope, you are processing information in a distorted manner. Your fear is a perversion of reality. Your brain's repeating neural patterns of illogical fear want to keep firing together. Fear equals fight-or-flight. You unwittingly perceive obstacles and find diversions and you abandon your goal.

Now to address the question posed in the title of this article: What purpose does fear have? The answer: Logical fear helps you perceive and react to danger. Illogical fear serves no such purpose.

If you let your brain get into the habit of using illogical fear as a substitute for good sense and judgement, it will bring you discontent. Your thoughts will be of past disappointments and future anxieties. Mishaps will generate more fear. Your love of life and of adventure will be lost.

Eliminate illogical fear. You can accept your history, live in the present, and plan for the future. You can view mishaps as experiences that generate wisdom. You can be happy and adventurous.

Khaos emotions can be overcome if you don't give in to illogical fear. You have nothing to fear except illogical fear.

By Denise Lammi

http://ezinearticles.com/expert/Denise_Lammi/65109

Forgiveness - Breaking the Cycle of Resentment

Over 20 years ago, my mother disowned me for a period of 10 years of my life.  It wasn't something I could ever imagine doing to one of my children, but it happened.  It was one of the most painful times of my life.  I was angry at her.  I got married and gave birth to my first child and she wasn't there.  I missed her and longed for a mother-daughter relationship.  I cried a lot.  Today my mother and I have a beautiful relationship and I am so grateful for our reconciliation.  As a matter of fact, her birthday card to me this year said, "You are the best daughter".  Did this relationship we have today happen overnight?  The answer is no.  At the core of our relationship, today is forgiveness.

What is forgiveness? 

"Forgiveness is something virtually all Americans aspire to - 94% surveyed in a nationwide Gallup poll said it was important to forgive-in the same survey; only 48% said they usually tried to forgive others."

I don't think a single person can escape life without experiencing hurt by another person.  Maybe the hurt is angry words spoken during an argument or a friend who surprises you with betrayal.  Perhaps the pain comes from emotional neglect, infidelity, divorce or even sexual and physical abuse.  Sometimes the hurt is a one-time event.  Other times the pain continues for a long time.

Forgiveness is a necessary step to healing from pain.  It is a choice to extend mercy to the person who hurt you.  Sometimes forgiveness allows you to move forward with the other person and experience a new relationship.  Other times, reconciliation is not possible.  In this case, forgiveness is more for you and your own personal growth.

Why forgive?

First and foremost, God commands us to forgive.  In Mark 11:25-26, it says "And when you stand in praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.  But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins."

You might be saying, "But you don't understand what's been done to me."  And you're right; I don't know all the hurts you've endured.  However, I know from experience that it pays to forgive.  Forgiveness is a sign of strength - not weakness.  It is strong who can put aside the past and let go of anger and resentment.  My mom comes from a large family, with seven brothers and sisters.  There has been a lot of sibling rivalry, and I'm always amazed at the amount of resentment that still remains in the family today.

Anger and resentment drain your energy and keeps you imprisoned by your past.  By choosing to let go of your hurt and anger, you give yourself the freedom to fully experience joy in life.  Anger builds inside us, so by letting go, you improve your ability to control your anger.  We've all seen the person who blows up at the smallest incident.  It is the accumulation of built up anger that is unreleased that causes this explosion.  So many diseases, like heart disease and cancer, can be triggered by unresolved resentment.  By choosing to forgive, you can dramatically improve your emotional and physical health.

Without forgiveness, you cannot move forward in your own personal and relational growth.

What forgiveness is not?

Forgiveness does not mean you allow people to treat you badly.  It does not mean you ignore the wrongdoings.  It means you accept that the person has made a mistake, and you are choosing to grant them mercy.  When you forgive someone, you won't necessarily forget the hurt.  I will always remember the pain I felt when my mom disowned me, but I do not dwell on it, and I do not let it interfere with the quality of our relationship today.  I have allowed myself to heal and move on.  Forgiveness does not mean you are condoning or excusing the person's behaviour.  And it doesn't mean you have to trust that person again.  Some acts, like physical and sexual abuse, require that you limit your trust or at least test the trust with the person who hurt you.  Remember, forgiveness is more for you than the other person.

The process of forgiving

So you've thought about it and you're ready to forgive.  You're tired of holding on to old pain and you've decided it's time to let go and move on.  What do you do?  First, you must face and release the anger that you feel.  On the surface of the hurt is anger and you need to break away that layer first.  Underneath the anger is the pain and hurt that you must grieve.  There are many ways to release anger and hurt.  You can talk about it with trusted people.  You can spend time journaling.  You can pray about it and ask God to take away that pain and resentment.  You can express your feelings to the person who hurt you, provided that it's possible to have a healthy conversation where both you and the other person speak and listen in respectful ways. 

One of the best and most cleansing ways to release your negative feelings is to write a letter to your perpetrator.  In this letter, you pour out every emotion you feel.  You tell them everything that hurt you and everything they did to make you angry.  Do not hold anything back.  Allow yourself to really feel the anger and cry the tears by reading it out loud to yourself.  When you are done, burn or bury the letter as a symbol that you are ready to move on.  DO NOT give the letter to the person.  This letter is for you and you only.

After processing all your emotions, you are ready to make the choice to forgive.  It is a choice that requires compassion, understanding and an open and loving heart.  When my mother and I first reconciled, we talked about our feelings.  Sometimes we even fought because the pain was still fresh.  But we listened to one another and we tried to get inside each other's shoes.  It wasn't easy, but today, even though I don't agree with some of my mother's beliefs, I have compassion and understanding for who she is and why she made the choice she did.  I love her regardless of our differences.

Each of us makes mistakes in life.  At one time or another (probably more than one time), we will hurt another person.  Maybe it will be an accident, or perhaps it will be a purposeful reaction to someone hurting you.  When this does happen, do you want to be forgiven?  Do you want another chance to make amends?  Most people don't mean to hurt us - they are dealing with their own pain and unresolved resentment.  It's unfortunate that we take it out on our loved ones, but until we break the cycle, it will continue to happen.

Are you ready to break the cycle and do your part to forgive?







http://www.articlegeek.com/self-improvement/inspiration_articles/4051-forgiveness-bre.htm

By: Lori Radun, CEC
Author Bio
Lori Radun, CEC is a certified life coach, speaker and author for moms.  To receive her FREE newsletter and the special report, "155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children", visit her website at www.true2youlifecoaching.com

Anger: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Have Anger Problems?

Anger: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Have Anger Problems?

If a number of people were asked what they think about anger, some of them might say that it is a 'bad' emotion. This is then going to be something that is black and white, meaning that it is not open for debate.

Someone like this could talk about how this is an emotion that only causes problems, and this is why it has no place in today's world. In their eyes, it would be better if human beings no longer had the ability to get angry.

Another Outlook

There are then going to be others who disagree with this point of view; they might find it hard to understand how anyone could believe this. When someone has this view, they could believe that anger is neither good nor bad.

They could say that it all depends on how someone responds to their anger, and how their anger affects their behaviour. This emotion is then going to be neutral - what will define whether it is good or bad is how someone channels this energy.

Another Example

One could point to the fact that while a car can allow someone to get to where they need to go, it could also allow them to run people over. But while this is the case, it is not as though cars are seen as being bad.

It doesn't stop there, though, as there are so many other things on this planet that can be used in a positive or negative manner. Yet, for whatever reason, it is uncommon for anger to be seen as being neutral.

Past Experience

If someone does believe that anger is bad, it could be a sign that they have primarily had experiences where it was used in a destructive manner. Perhaps they have been around people who were violent, for instance.

Or, they may have been around people who ended up treating people badly whenever they got angry. It might not just relate to other people, as one may have been violent and/or treated people badly in the past when they got angry.

One Option

This is then going to be similar to someone who has only had negative experiences around animals; it will be as though this is what all animals are like. No matter whether it relates to the animals that they have had or what other people have had, the outcome will have been the same.

If someone is open-minded, they might be willing to see how anger can also be used in a constructive manner. This would give them the opportunity to see the anger in a different light and to form a new relationship with their own anger.

Self-Control

Ultimately, when someone causes harm, their anger is not the problem; what is the problem is that one is being controlled by their anger. This stops them from being able to take a step back and then to use this energy in a positive manner.

With this in mind, to say that anger is bad would be to say that a car is bad for crashing into a building; when the only reason this took place is because the driver allowed it to happen. What this emphasises is how important it is for someone to be able to contain how they feel and not to be controlled by their emotions.

Purely Information

When one can do this, they will be able to connect to how they feel and to look into why they feel angry. This could show that they have been compromised or violated in some way, or it could show that something from their past has been triggered.

If it relates to the former, it might be a good idea for them to stand their ground and to speak out, for instance. One is then not reacting to how they feel, they are responding to how they feel.

A Big Difference

This means that one won't come across as someone who lacks self-control; they will come across as someone who has good boundaries. This emotion will then be no different to any other emotion since it will be used as information.

The alternative would be for one to be compromised or violated in some way, but not to get angry. Here, one would be out of touch with their anger, which is there to protect them and to keep them alive.

Enslaved

When one is unable to contain their anger and ends up being controlled by it, it is going to be clear that they are not in control of themselves. It might not take a lot for them to lose it, with something fairly trivial being enough to set them off.

What happens (the stimulus) is generally going to be overshadowed by how they behave (response). This could result in them raising their voice or they could end up physically harming another person.

A Deep Wound

There could have been a time in their life when they were violated, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. Perhaps they were physically abused when they were younger.

Along with this, they might have been neglected, and this would then have stopped them from receiving the kind of care that they needed to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions. There would have been the effect that this had on their body and on their mind.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to develop the ability to be able to handle their emotions, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

A prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/6

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Oliver_JR_Cooper/81846

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9870517